Marriage is not always easy. Sometimes all it takes is a good resource to come in hand and some decent communication skills. The Survival Guide [Plain Tec, LLC, 2007] is one such resource and has been used by chaplains and counselors throughout the country, receiving great reviews, including one by Dear Abby.
It is the perfect tool for those who are planning to get married to a service member or are currently married to one. Although the guide is similar to marriage preparation and enrichment courses, it is geared towards military personal and the unique life they have. However, it is also helpful to civilians in the approach it takes.
An inventory list is included, which consists of a series of statements couples should discuss. Some areas covered include: communication, conflict resolution, economics, intimate relations, children, in-laws, marriage expectations, and religion. Each statement is either agreed upon or not agreed upon by each individual. In those areas where any disagreement cannot be resolved easily, they should be discussed in the presence of a counselor.
Valuable Communication Tool
One A1C serviceman in the Air Force already plans on using the guide with his girlfriend. He had originally found it on-line when he was looking for assistance for his first marriage. Although the inventory proved helpful to their marriage, he soon discovered the marriage had already been ruined by untrustworthy and unfaithful behavior on the wife’s part. “The book opened our communications and understandings . . . .,” he said in a personal communication dated September 2, 2008. “This book has very valuable information, tips and ideas that will help any military family. I recommend it to everyone who is in the military.”
Sadly, many spouses are encouraged by lawyers to get a divorce before counseling takes place. In one review on the website, a serviceman had already paid a high fee to an attorney when he came upon the guide. After he and his wife took the inventory and worked-out the problem areas, the marriage became strong again. Losing the fee was well worth saving the marriage.
Communication during Deployment
As mentioned earlier, there are further complications when a spouse is deployed overseas for long periods of time. One complication occurs when fidelity is tested on both sides. “Deployed military personnel, both those that are single and married, can feel very lonely and become involved with foreigners. . . .” stated Mr. Gomulka in a personal communication dated January 22, 2008. “Even in the cases in which an unaccompanied married service member leaves his wife and family for a woman he became involved with overseas, most of those do not last, particularly if the service member returns to the states.”
The guide stresses communication during deployment and discusses common problems. For instance, like writing letters while one is angry or telling a spouse that they no longer should do certain activities because he/she is now home. It is for these reasons that communication during deployment is essential, although some service members can communicate more often then others. Command centers can usually help by arranging for video conferencing and e-mails.
The guide also includes briefing the spouses on problems that can arise once a deployed service member returns home. Recognizing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is one topic discussed, including identifiable symptoms. Complications can arise with PTSD, including divorce and unemployment.
The Survival Guide includes a wealth of information for all married or dating couples and is essential to saving any problematic marriage. It is available for $11.95 at the link above or an inventory list can be ordered by itself for $3.95. You can also find a wealth of information at the military website including a spouse network and blog page.
Julie Maggiacomo Carrera - Julie's writing career began back in college in the 1990s. However, she considers herself a new writer since she has put this profession ...
Join the Conversation